Wednesday, October 04, 2006

I must be a colon because my best friend is an asshole!

Since we are just getting to know each other, you probably aren't aware that I am married. Her name is Aretta Wendt-Dare-Dundatt. (We have to order our checks custom-made; size 10, extra long.) My blessed Aretta is one of the few bright spots of my life, and definitely the brightest of those bright spots.

So you can imagine how utterly pissed off I was when the light of my life told me that my best friend, Rollie, was hitting on her every time I turned my head!

Now, I know that there are some people who would suggest that Aretta is nothing more than a trophy wife who married me just to get her hands on the fat salary of a Yo-Yo winder, but they couldn't be more wrong. Ours is a true love--a love born out of great sex and a common love of pirates. It's not like she's dissatisfied with her marriage in any way, and it's not as if he has anything to offer her that I haven't already stuffed her to the gills with.

This is all about one peckerhead who, jaded and bored with his own wife, has decided that he wants to try mine. With friends like these, who needs enemas, right? (Well, actually I could stand to flush this shit out of my life, but you get my point.)

Your thoughts?


Anonymous Serra said...

I had a friend whose husband hit on every woman he saw. It seemed to me it just came out of him, like farts come out of, well, you get the idea.

It really ticked me off--perhaps he's fine with looking like slime but I'm not fine with his treating me like I'm on the same level as he is.

11:29 PM  
Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said...

What's the big deal? I've been boinking your wife for months now!

5:12 PM  
Blogger Ben Dare-Dundatt said...

Dyck - At least you have the decency to do it in front of me., Aretta did tell you about the two-way mirror, right?

Serra - Get to the good stuff, girl, tell us how you got rid of him!

8:16 PM  
Blogger OneEar said...

Please post a photo. Perhaps I would like to nail your wife as well.

10:38 AM  
Blogger Ben Dare-Dundatt said...

Oneear: Trust me. You would.

I don't fault him for his taste in women, I fault him for not bothering to go get his own.

Which reminds me of a joke:
"Why do men chase women they can't have?"
"For the same reason dogs chase cars they can't drive."

8:22 PM  
Blogger lilfeathers2000 said...

It shall pass too.

9:49 PM  
Blogger Crashtest Comic said...

Punch him in the face, dude!

11:02 AM  

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